30 April 2012

Stupidity comes in all kinds of shapes.
Bitter. Bitter bitter. It's always bitter to stay awake alone after midnight. And now, it's almost 4 in the morning and I'm still here. Feeling. BITTER.

I am more emotional than I usually am now although I've always been an emosaurus. My well of patience seems to dry up pretty quick recently. Some people say, that's not even a well. HAHA. In another way it reads, don't try to communicate with me unless you want to be cruelly murdered.

Everything that happens around me just pisses me off. I'm not sure if i'm seeking for a reason to throw my tantrum at, or to submerge my frustration over not being able to be at home. AT FESTIVE SEASON. I'm actually, more to, SAD. :'(

Constantly going on facebook is not really healthy for me at this time. Reading people's statuses about them being home, eating home cooked food, meeting all family members and getting ready for CNY turns me into a green-eyed monster. I'm so so so jealous that I couldn't shake what I'm feeling off. I get upset and I just want to be alone. AND DRINK AND GET FUCKED UP. Even when I see people updating about spring cleaning. SEE HOW PATHETIC I AM. T___T

With this frustrating emotion in me, people around me have to try all kinds of ways to provoke me. DAFUQ IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?! Do you know what kind of people irritates me? People who think that they're the coolest on earth and try to shove things to my face. FUCK YOU. When you're nobody to me, your words are basically nothing to me. So you think I need a change?? You go fucking change first by NOT TALKING TO ME. JESUS CHRIST.

To offend people in all kinds of way thinking that you're cool is not stylish. AT ALL. Just so you know. When people feel offended, you claimed that people don't know to take jokes? OH WOW HAHA AND KUDOS TO YOUR AWESOME JOKES. Everyone else is stupid to NOT understand you. WOW.

One more thing that gets on my nerve, people who is unexplainably selfish who does things that jeopardises others' life. And don't act like you don't know that you're doing that because you fucking do it deliberately. THIS IS SERIOUSLY UNACCEPTABLE!

Why do I discover the ugliness in people like NOW? Why do you appear to be so angelic when I first knew you? Why do you appear to be so nice when I first met you? WHY. ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. *pulls hair

Maybe these people help me to grow in life. But I'm not growing because I still get angry in split seconds. Le sigh. I still feel lucky to have had some awesome friends who treat me with patience nonetheless. I love all of you you and you. :)

Drop that. No more rage.

Abrupt change.

I just talked to momma. I miss home. Like, again. :'(
Tonight is the first night I go to sleep knowing for sure where our next home is......tonight is right under me and over me, floating on the water, which is where it should be. I thought I would be sad because I really did not want to change and leave Ever After. Life has ways of making things easier
and because the process of finally finding Deja vu, was difficult.......Lily May, Morada, and finally
Dragonfly burning and sinking.......finally finding a boat that would 'stick' is nothing but happy for me and I think Barry feels the same way.

Tonight Barry and Bill are upstairs on 'the salon level' talking and getting into the rum. I cant hear what they are saying but I can hear them and I am glad we will have such a good friend as Bill helping us get to our summer destination, Myrtle Beach. And I am SO excited that Lynn will be able to join us in Port Royal for the few days trip from PRLM to MB. It will be so much fun seeing our PRLM friends and hell, now we can fit ALL of them on our boat! What a bunch of parties and visits we will have on Deja vu.

All that is left now to do is get back to Stuart via The Horn of Florida, transfer our things from Ever After to Deja vu and then I will cry....maybe a little sad because you do get to loving a boat almost like a child, or horse, or home......hell I cried when I sold my Chevy truck! No, really I did! I will cry when I step off Ever After for the last time, because she saved my soul. She sheltered me, and helped me get through a really hard time in my life and come out the other end whole and happy.
She is a wonderful one of a kind boat, and I think if she were a person, she would be one you could count on through thick and thin. A friend in the most basic sense of the word.

Some very nice people will be living on Ever After now and they have what sounds like a really wonderful adventure ahead of them. She will be the perfect boat to get them anywhere they want to
go. They dont build them like her anymore....she is truely one of a kind.

So tomorrow I hope to add pictures and stories of what will be a calm and fun trip back to our homes.....there are many now.

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